


but i've never been quite alright

by euphrasiepontmercy



Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Gen, Songfic, parent/child relationships wooooooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28093296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphrasiepontmercy/pseuds/euphrasiepontmercy
Summary: a visit to Zoey's aunt and uncle. title from Nobody by Jukebox the Ghost
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	but i've never been quite alright

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't as true-to-life as some other aspects of Tori's character, I promise that I have good parents, it's only very loosely based in reality (lyrics from Human by Christina Perri bc I just feel like that song would fit in the show really well) (btw this fits somewhere in the middle of her story, in between Absolutely Smitten and Victoria; it could work in both universes)

It was a Saturday morning. Zoey was spreading strawberry jam on a piece of toast, humming along-almost without knowing-to a song that was blasting from the bathroom that she’d shared with her younger cousin for the past few months. Victoria was taking a higher harmony as she brushed her teeth, but after a few moments she trailed off and abruptly stopped the song just as it was building to its peak.

_ Something must really be wrong. _

The apartment was silent for a while until Zoey heard the door open. She worriedly turned to her cousin, who was practically religious about music and had never turned off a song until it was over. The younger woman had flopped herself into a chair, her eyes glossy.

“My parents want us to visit them tomorrow. They don’t expect David to be able to come, especially with the baby and everything, so they just want to spend the day with the two of us.”

Zoey’s eyes widened. William Clarke was her father’s brother, and she had never seen a reason not to love him and his wife Sierra, but there was a small flick of doubt in her cousin’s eye that she took note of.

It quickly disappeared, however, when Victoria picked herself up out of the chair and put her own bread in the toaster, saying nothing else of the subject. Zoey could practically hear the taller woman’s heart beating out of her chest.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course. It’s been a while since you’ve seen them, so that’ll be nice.”

Her voice was back to its usual vivacity and didn’t seem to hide anything, which puzzled Zoey and convinced her to push no further.  _ A song will come tomorrow to explain things, I’m sure of it. _

Victoria took the jam out of the refrigerator and attempted to open it, but the lid was hopelessly stuck.

“Do you need help?”

“I can do it.”

The response came quickly, and an intensity had formed in the younger woman’s eyes.

“Are you sure? I know that one can be tricky-”

“I can do it.”

\----

Victoria had charge of the music during their drive the next day, and she sang along to everything, not letting a single one of her own thoughts break through until they pulled up in front of her small, comfortable-looking childhood home miles away from the city. Zoey watched her face as they walked up to the door, and she looked back to meet her eyes.

“I’ll be fine, Zoey.”

“If you ever need to-”

The door opened, and a woman with graying hair stood on the other side with a smile.

“It’s been so long! Come in, come in, there’s so much to talk about.”

Victoria sighed before glancing at Zoey and following her mother into the living room. Bill was sitting on their old, frayed couch. He seemed to have aged years in the few months since Zoey had seen him at the funeral, and she wasn’t surprised; he was really close with his brother, and the loss had certainly taken its toll on him, but his face lit up at the sight of his daughter.

Sierra brought out a plate of cheap cheese and crackers which was clearly hurriedly made, and Zoey could sense the slightest eye roll behind her cousin’s grateful smile as she watched her mother nervously put away magazines and coasters that had been laying out. When they were out of earshot, Victoria whispered that her mom had always judged the house harshly when they had guests, saying that even a single speck of dust was a sign of disrespect.

“I’m family, it’s fine.”

“That’s what I used to tell her, too.”

They sat in two chairs opposite the couch, and Sierra, finally seeming satisfied with the state of the living room, sat down next to her husband. It had been ages since Zoey had visited her aunt and uncle’s house, and she took a look around to get her bearings; the walls were filled with family photos, the majority of which being pictures of Victoria at her various music and theatre competitions. There was a shining baby grand piano in the corner and plenty of shelves piled with trophies, plaques, and medals.

Victoria’s face seemed drawn tight around her features.

_...No wonder. _

“How have auditions been? Any good roles come up that you haven’t told us about?”

Bill’s tone was light and joking, but there was an edge behind it.  _ That’s really the first thing you’re saying to your daughter after months of not seeing her? _

“Not yet,” Victoria answered, smiling tightly.

“I’ll send you the ones I find, don’t worry. It’ll be a good use of all of the time you probably spend on your phone.”

_ This from the man who spent Emily’s baby shower playing World of Warcraft… _

“How’s San Francisco treating you?”

As an answer to her mother’s question, Victoria smiled a real smile for the first time all weekend.

“It’s fantastic. Everyone is wonderful at SPRQpoint, and it’s been great to spend time with the rest of the family.”

At the mention of “the rest of the family”, the older adults seemed to notice their niece’s presence for the first time. Sierra laid a hand on Zoey’s knee in attempted sympathy.

“How have you been, sweetie?”

Zoey nodded slowly, unsure of how honest to be.

“It’s been...hard, of course. I miss him more than anything, and it’s difficult to keep up with life when this is weighing on our shoulders.”

“Of course. Life must go on, though, the show must go on,” Bill said. “Speaking of, I finally got in contact with your old professor.”

“Why?”

“Remember that music theory assignment you got a C on last semester,” Sierra jumped in, “because you were visiting Mitch and Maggie and didn’t have much time to work on it?”

Victoria blinked, dumbfounded.

“Yes, it’s been  _ months-” _

“Well, of course it’s important that you were visiting your aunt and uncle, but now that you’ve got...more  _ time _ …” Bill emphasized the last word in a disappointed manner, “he’s willing to let you retake it.”

“I...I already got my degree, I aced the class as a whole, it’s not…”

“Look, I know this is hard,” her mother said. “But you’ve always said how much you want your work to reflect who you are, and the C doesn’t do that. I know you can do this.”

The words seemed sickly sweet, but there was something surprisingly and disgustingly genuine in her voice and in her husband’s eyes as he nodded along. As Sierra went on and on about the importance of pride in one’s work, Zoey looked at her cousin, and it felt almost as if the room was closing in.

“Of course, if you need our help to stay motivated, just remember that you wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without what we’ve done-”

_ “I can hold my breath. I can bite my tongue.” _

It seemed as if every sound in the room had been sucked into nothingness, save for Victoria’s tearful voice. Zoey watched as her aunt and uncle inaudibly continued on, still smiling, completely oblivious to their daughter’s pain.

_ “I can stay awake for days if that’s what you want.” _

She stood up and walked around her childhood home for the first time in years, her eyes becoming glassy as she looked over the memories that had become painful.

_ “Be your number one…” _

Victoria lifted her hand to a picture of her sixth grade self just before she’d performed at the state fair junior talent competition; her parents were beside her, beaming with pride. What they didn’t know was that she’d sobbed for hours in her room that night when she came home with a participation trophy.

_ “I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh. I can dance and play the part if that’s what you ask…” _

She picked up a piece of paper, and Zoey looked at it over her shoulder. It was a framed copy of her college acceptance letter, along with a note they’d apparently made her write: a promise that she’d “remember her potential” and use their money well.

_ “Give you all I am.” _

She breathed heavily as she sang, seeming suffocated by her younger self’s plastered smile that came at her from every wall and shelf.

_ “I can do it, I can do it, I can do it…” _

The instrumentals had been building behind her, but they all dropped out once she was driven to turn around and face her parents.

_ “But I’m only human.” _

She almost screamed the first few words, but her voice dropped to a quiet sob when she took in their blank, unknowing faces.

_ “And I bleed when I fall down. I’m only human, and I crash and I break down.” _

Her voice began to build again as she deeply felt each word, and she started to dance, reaching for her parents and pushing herself away from them in turn.

_ “Your words in my head, knives in my heart; you build me up and then I fall apart, ‘cause I’m only human.” _

She belted out the last few words in desperation, knowing that they would never hear, and slowly sank back into her chair before the music faded out and her face molded back into a tolerant smile.

_ She really is a good actress… _

“So, um, thank you so much for having us, but I think we’ll have to go.”

Sierra, having been interrupted by her niece, looked up in surprise.

“Really? We were just starting to-”

“Zoey’s right.”

The older adults looked at each other before looking incredulously at their daughter, whose tone of voice had suddenly become low and firm.

“There’s something that I really want us to talk about, and if Zoey doesn’t want to witness that conversation, she absolutely has that right. Can I visit again tomorrow?”

Zoey had never heard Victoria speak that slowly and clearly in her life. After taking a moment to process, Bill and Sierra slowly nodded, somewhat awkwardly hugging both of the younger women before leading them out the front door.

The second that Zoey closed the door to her car, Victoria’s shoulders relaxed and she let out a long-held breath. The older cousin was about to say something when she was interrupted.

“We can’t stay sitting in their driveway for too long, let’s just go.”

Zoey nodded silently and started the car. A few moments of silence passed before Victoria had collected herself enough to speak again.

“Thank you,” she breathed. “Thank you so much.”

“Anytime,” Zoey said softly. “I’m always here for you, you know that, but if I’m being honest, I don’t really know what you’re going through.”

“I get that. I’m grateful for their support, I really am, but the pressure they put on me always adds to the pressure I put on myself.”

_...Now, where have I heard something like that before? _

Zoey grimaced at the implications of the thought, but voiced it anyway.

“I may not completely understand, but I know that there’s someone who would.”

Victoria was looking at her with inquiring eyes.  _ She’s helping herself by standing up for herself, and it seems that I could help her by referral. _

_ Just someone to talk to. _

She nodded, and the younger cousin’s eyes widened when she realized who they were talking about.

“Really?”

“Of course,” Zoey said, taking a breath. “We’re all only human.”

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of this one after finishing singin' from a streetlight, so it's a separate thing-hope you enjoyed!


End file.
